Raising Boys World

I’ve been running around like a mad woman!!! I’m at swim lessons and everyone is in a class so I have a 30 minute block of time all to myself. Yippee! The problem is I’m so twisted up with energy that I forgot how to relax! I brought a book to read. Reading? What a novel idea! I used to read a ton, but who has time for that? Anyway, I have like ADHD because I’m unable to focus, so I decided to put up a post instead.

As you know, I’m training for the Marine Corps Marathon. I ran 9 miles on Saturday and have done little else since. I plan to run tonight. Hopefully. We need to do a bunch of errands today so who knows.

Check out my Family Travel Report on Virginia Beach! Also, PLEASE take a moment to visit the momraisingboys page on YouTube and become a subscriber.

I’m at the point in the summer where my children are really starting to get a little wild. For the oldest one, he’s bored. Funny since we’ve been busy that he should be bored. Nonetheless, he tells me he can’t find anything to do. He’s a little edgy too and has been talking back and getting snippy. Perhaps it’s the non-stop bickering between #2 and #3 or between #3 and #4. I think he feels like he needs to be the peacekeeper. It’s frustration. I’m frustrated too.

I purposely tried not to over-schedule and instead plan fun activities we would do together. They’ve had swimming and tennis lessons. We’ve pretty much lived in the water. Unfortunately, mist of their friends are in camps or away so when we don’t have plans, there’s really not many kids to hang out with. I remember as a child, summer would feel very long around early August. So I guess that they’d agree. In fact, just this morning, #2 told us that he hoped August would feel as long as July did.

The talking back and arguing though is getting on my nerves. I feel like I want to have a meltdown! But, I understand how they feel. What I’m trying to do is remain calm and offer them options to prevent from getting upset with one another. If I could just stop the baby from screaming!

I’m done having children. I have my 4 boys who thankfully, are healthy and happy little humans that bring my husband and I great joy in our lives. Honestly, I love having kids – which always surprises me because before I ever had any of my own, I never saw myself as a wife or mother. I wanted to be in the business world and eventually land in academia. Well, then I met my husband and quickly realized he was the one I would spend my life with. After about a year into our marriage, I realized that having children would be a beautiful addition to our lives and so we began a family. I’ve talked about this before, but with every child, I held onto 10 lbs. and I’m only 5’2″ tall so an extra 40 lbs. is like, well… holding a 3 year old 24/7. Not comfortable. Not healthy.

Here are the actual depressing stats: Before babies I weighed 125ish. I’ve always been athletic and my body fat prior to motherhood was 23%. Then, after babies everything changed. As of January this past year, my weight skyrocketed to 175ish. I was wearing size 12, sometimes 14. My body fat (I did the BOD POD) was 33%. The doctor told me I had high blood pressure and I was medicating myself with food when I felt emotional. I was always fit and healthy and cared about how I felt and looked – but now in the life as a busy mom of four, juggling my family and  business…I let myself go. Going into my closet was like putting my emotions in front of me to see – and it wasn’t pretty – nothing fit. I was miserable. I forgot about who I was.

This past January 1st, I took a deep look at myself and realized how crabby and lost I felt. I really started to miss the energy and enthusiasm I had and time was passing with my family that I wasn’t enjoying or appreciating because I’d become so self conscious about myself. I vowed to lose the weight and get healthy.

Now, I’m weighing in at 150. My goal for January 1, 2011 is to weight 125.

What have I done? I’ve started playing more tennis, lifting weights, taking spinning classes (11 years ago I taught spin classes!) and running more. I was always a runner – even when I was heavier, I would run an annual half-marathon in my area. Not very well mind you – but I would get by in about 2:20. Now I run. By this I mean, I really love to run and feel that it allows me to escape and relax. I gain a sense of freedom from a run and a feeling that what I’m doing is awesome. I know that sounds corny, but it is. Running down a road, sweating and yet feeling good. To me that’s an accomplishment.

Here’s the other thing. I want my kids to see that there mom cares about herself. That I’m strong and athletic too. I want to run and play and swim with them. Not just watch them. I want to be in and part of their lives – not just observe theirs through my cranky glasses. Life is short and I want in it at full speed! I want to be an example to them.

So as you already know, I’ve registered for the Marine Corps Marathon on October 31st in DC. If you live there – you need to email me because I need as many people to cheer me on as I can muster up! Plus, I’d love to meet you. I turn 40 next year and I’ll be damned if I let age or feeling down about myself prevent me from enjoying the fruits of life.

I will keep you posted on my progress and I would love to hear if you’re doing a race soon and where or if you’ve had similar struggles and what you did. I’d love to hear from you!

I was not at the swim meet when #2 had an altercation with another boy. A disagreement over a ball resulted in my son scratching the other boy. I have no idea what really caused the argument to escalate into physical contact. The kid was bleeding. He was scratched on the face. This is the first time anything like this has happened with him.

Afterwards, as #2 was walking past a closed baby pool with the solar cover on, the other boy pushed him in and what could have been dangerous wound up fine.

Hubby saw #2 land on the solar cover and gave the scary face that screams, “why the heck did you do that?” to the other boy. When questioned, #2 said he did nothing to deserve getting thrown in. This was a busy event. Then #1 informed Hubby of the truth, which was different from the story he had heard. He was angry. So he grabbed #2 and brought him to the mom who was coddling her injured cub so he could apologize. Which he he did. But wouldn’t you expect the mom to encourage her child to apologize too. Afterall, what he did was not right nor safe. She could have used the opportunity to turn the experience into a teaching moment.

Then as #1 and 2 were walking past some kids from the other team, they were yelling at my boys because of the incident. What #2 did was not right, but that doesn’t make it ok to retaliate.

Now he’s grounded, going to bed early in the summer is not fun. I’m sure it’s not the last time this sort if thing happens, but I hope it might be.

Marathon training update:
Ran 6 miles today.

I’m sure you’ve been hit with the silly band craze, seems that everyone has. Big city or country town…there’s no escape from the overpriced plastic “collectibles” bracelets. Rubber bracelets in all different shapes and colors that look curly when worn.

This trend is not unlike any other. The kids liked pokeman cards for a while too. Everyone trades something. Sports cards, stickers, and stamps. I don’t think the idea of trading is a bad thing. It teaches negotiation skills, consequences, how to save, supply and demand, sales and bartering.

When I first learned of silly bandz, a pack was $1.99. Now, they’re selling for $4.95 in some places. I understand why…because stores can charge a lot -they know kids will buy them! That doesn’t make it right though. If you’re a store owner, I’m sure you want to maximize your profits knowing a trend will only last for so long. I can see both sides if the equation.

Nonetheless, I’ve escaped buying any as relatives have kept their supply plump. If my boys decide it’s something they want, I’ve told them they need to use their own money to buy them and they need to be thrifty. I will not encourage buying the $4.95 ones when I know they can find some for less. Why encourage kids to through money away? Just because they have say $20, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be a wise shopper! These are skills as parents we should teach and encourage. Having a few extra dollars doesn’t mean you should spend it frivolously.

Also, when is too much too much? The other day my son left the house with his entire collection – 78 silly bandz- on his arm. He was just yelling me how he wanted to get a new special cowboy pack. I said why not give some of yours away then think about a new pack or trade a bunch of bracelets your tired of for new ones. He was keen on that.

By the way- it’s hot and humid today. At 9 am it was nearly 90 with 90% humidity. I ran for 30 minutes today. Marathon training is serious dedication…I’m loving it!

Hello! First – Happy Independence Day to everyone! Four comments for the fourth!

• First a great big thank you to all the service men and women who have worked tirelessly to keep us safe – and independent. Thank you for your service.

• Second, if you have older boys – who often do really stupid things with fireworks – check out this post, you’ll appreciate it. For some reason, teenage boys seem to love to danger and dare associated with firework foolishness. Funny as it may seem to them in theory, fact is that according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Fireworks are often a part of special times like the 4th of July and New Year’s Eve. But fireworks can be dangerous. In 2008, an estimated 7,000 people—an average of more than 19 people every day—were treated in emergency departments for injuries sustained from fireworks¹, and more than half of those injured were children. Whenever you celebrate, learn how to protect yourself and those you care about from fireworks–related injuries.”

• Third, I ran 6.5 miles yesterday on my quest to complete my first-ever full marathon -  I’ve registered for the Marine Corps Marathon on October 31st in DC. I will keep you posted on my training progress (hopefully – I’m a little worried).

• Fourth, I’ve been talking with lots of parents about starting Raising Boys World groups in your community. If you want to start one – email me and let’s set something up in your area!

I was at my favorite grocery store today (Wegmans) with all four boys. It was pretty crazy. #4 is into this screaming at the top of his lungs thing. It’s not so cute.

So we decided on bagels and the oldest whined that he wanted something else so I told him to go wait in line and order and I’ll be right there. It’s impossible to make everyone happy….

Then we meet up with #4 in line and he hadn’t even ordered yet. I asked him what was going on and he said the lady (and her about 7 year old son) in front of him cut him in line. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose, but he should have had the confidence to say something. I suggested that he should do so in the future and said that all he has to say is, “Excuse me, I’m waiting in line and I think you cut in front of me.”

The lady of course heard this conversation and felt the need to comment to me. Meanwhile the other boys are screaming and acting like wild animals.

She tells us, “I’m not sure I would have reacted well if he told me that.” I’m thinking, give me a break woman!! So I told her that it’s better to give our kids the necessary language and skills to communicate with confidence that to a. do everything for them or b. let them get walked all over!”

She must have agreed. She didn’t respond.

My just-turned 4 year-old wants so badly to be a big boy. He does everything (or at least wants to) that his older brothers can do. When he interacts with his friends he seems older and can even get a little snippy with his mouth, giving me (or his friends) an attitude that an older child might display.

Likewise, his interests seem a little older. He skimmed through the baby shows like Max and Ruby into Spongebob. I tried to limit what he watched but it’s hard when there’s older siblings! He loves music and for the longest time kept asking to hear Fireburning by Sean Kingston (my older boys influence) or Rock the Casbah by The Clash (my influence).

I’m not sure what else to say about this, I guess I worry that kids seem to know more or be exposed to more at a young age than we did- and if you have more than 1 child, the younger ones are likely to do more or know more than your older kids did when they were young. I’m not sure how much if this you can really prevent. Maybe just being aware of it and attempting to preserve the littleness will help.