I hate to chime in on the issue involving celebrities Chris Brown and Rihanna, but I would be remiss if I ignored the very real issue of teen dating abuse. Statistics suggest that violence has become increasingly more prevalent among dating teens. As parents of boys, we need to be aware of the facts and work with our sons to prevent them from allowing violence in their relationships.
If you haven’t heard the story, Brown attacked Rihanna last month on the night before the Grammy’s. The violence was apparently the results of Rihanna confronting Brown about text messages from his former girlfriends. Brown is charged with two felonies: assault and making criminal threats. Brown is 19 and Rihanna is 21 years old.
According to his biography on Wikipedia, “From the ages seven to thirteen, Brown was scarred by the domestic violence his mother endured from her boyfriend. He claims to “hate him to this day”.
Even if Rihanna does not testify, Brown could face up to four years in prison simply based on the affidavits and police reports. This is serious stuff – and messages to young boys that we absolutely cannot ignore.
We know that children who endure (or witness) abuse – will themselves abuse in their future. This is referred to as the Cycle of Violence. According to an article in the NY Times on January 3, 2009 called A Rise in Efforts to Spot Abuse in Youth Dating by Elizabeth Olson, “Although there are no definitive national studies on the prevalence of abuse in adolescent relationships, public health research indicates that the rate of such abusive relationships has hovered around 10 percent. Experts say the abuse appears to be increasing as more harassment, name-calling and ridicule takes place among teenagers on the Internet and by cellphone.”
What’s even more alarming is that abuse and dating is now an issue among TWEENS. I did not mistype that. Tweens meaning ages 11-14. “The word “Teens” typically refers to age 15-18. The reason for the increase in tween violence has a direct relationship with increased sexual activity at younger ages. (see for more stats).
I think in terms of prevention, we need to teach our boys respect. To respect themselves and others. This ties into self-esteem. It’s our job to listen to our children, to make them feel that they are worthy and deserving of healthy relationships. Not only does teaching respect boost confidence and self-esteem, but it also helps reduce the affect of peer pressure. With so many unrealistic (or frankly just not good examples) images out that that our sons compare themselves to – we need to provide them with the tools to make good decisions.
Whether or not you like the idea – with statistics being what they are (1 in 11 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence) – it should be a discussion that everyone has with their son. Also note that while most of the abuse is from the boys physical aggression and violent behavior, girls are not the only victims. Many girls are physically aggressive first, which presents another discussion with your son, what to do if a girl throws a punch at you. Again, teach your son respect (themselves and others)!
As for the Rihanna and Brown situation is sending a bad message to teenagers who are following the story. It’s time to talk to your son about abuse.
Additional resources:
Tweens and dating Abuse
Warning Signs and Teen Violence : According to the article “about one in three adolescent girls will be in a physically abusive relationship by the time she graduates from high school.”
National Abuse Statistics
Resiliency: Boys and Domestic Violence
The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Nationwide, Focus Increases on Dating Violence Among Teens
A Rise in Efforts to Spot Abuse in Youth Dating
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