Flying Solo Again

I’m flying solo again. Hubby is away for 5 days in Asia somewhere. So it’s the 4 boys and me. Yep. Should be fun times for everyone. Fortunately, the weather was beautiful today, so mentally I am in a better place than I might be if it was snowy and cold. But, I need to remind myself that nice weather in March is often nothing but a tease as next week there could be flurries. Hopefully though, winter is coming to an end.

It’s so funny; occasionally I’ll comment to hubby about his frequent work travel and he claims that he isn’t away much – or at least not any more than my friend’s spouses. That may or may not be true, but he does get a little defensive about it.

I used to hate when he traveled, but I’ve gotten used to it and sometimes I enjoy the freedom of having time to myself. The frequent flyer miles are also quite a nice benefit. Hubby responds to my complaints by reminding me that we are part of a global economy and that travel is a necessity for people’s jobs. Whatever.

Sure, when he’s away things are a bit crazier. Thank goodness for my mother who comes over to help out. Life flies by when he’s gone and yet, stands still, all at the same time. I drink more coffee and become a little edgier because I sleep less when he’s away. When he returns, I’m usually exhausted. I will say, the more organized I’ve become, the smoother things go. I no longer stress about what to eat, as long as it’s reasonably healthy and easy to prepare. I maintain a schedule packed with things to do to keep us busy – from simple like going on a walking adventure in our neighborhood to going to the zoo or making plans with another family. My attitude is to make the best of the situation at hand.

I used to feel a little jealous when he traveled to exotic places while I was stuck in my ordinary child-centered world. He could sleep without interruption, go to interesting restaurants and see the world while I was stuck feeling kind-of pathetic. While I would still love to visit these places, more and more I’m starting to feel bad for the things he’s missing. I realize that traveling isn’t all fun – it is after all, work. However, you can’t tell me it’s more challenging than raising 4 boys alone- for a day or a week, there’s no comparison.

So here’s what concerns me about traveling spouses: what about the children? What message does it send our boys? Of course the obvious, that Daddy is working hard and providing for them. Since I’m sure that they don’t completely understand how or why he needs to travel (as much as I try to explain), his absence upsets them. The children feel bad when he misses activities because of his schedule. I guess that’s why I’ve chosen to take an extra active role in their lives and to get involved whenever I can. I try to offer them stability and structure in a loving and caring way. While I feel really lucky that I have so much special time with them, we share stories, jokes and experiences; I can’t help but feel sad about the things hubby misses out on.

There’s no avoiding stress if your spouse travels. It’s a sacrifice and patience is required of everyone involved. To make it work, you need to be organized so things go smoothly. When hubby is home, make sure that he makes up for lost time by tending to his flock. He should try to listen and get involved more so that the children are reassured that he has an active role in their lives no matter if he’s home or not. Don’t let the weight of the world sit on your shoulders. It’s important to make some time for yourself – even just some quiet time will work wonders on maintaining your sanity – especially when you’re flying solo.